Stage 4: The Battle

When Everything Converges

You've trained. You've grown. You've built strength you didn't know you had.

And then life tests you.

Not with one challenge. With everything at once.

This is The Battle.

For me, The Battle looked like moving back in with my parents after that year of silence. I thought the hard part was over. I thought we'd worked through things. I thought I'd become strong enough to handle it.

I was wrong.

Their bad habits crept back in. The old patterns resurfaced. The pressure to conform, to be quiet, to shrink myself down returned with a vengeance.

They literally told me I was stupid to think I could live the way I wanted to live while being in their house. I couldn't have boundaries. I had to always answer. Always give in to her ways.

Every single thing I'd worked on during Training was being challenged.

And I was losing ground.

What Is The Battle?

The Battle is the moment where growth gets real and resistance gets loud.

It's when:

• Old patterns come back with force

• External pressures intensify

• Your transformation is directly challenged

• Everything you've built feels like it's crumbling

• You're tempted to quit and go back to who you were

• Multiple crises hit at the same time

The Battle isn't one thing. It's everything.

For me, it was:

• Living under their roof with no boundaries

• Being told I was stupid for wanting to change

• Watching their unhealthy habits pull at me

• Feeling myself slip back into old coping mechanisms

• The stress, the pressure, the suffocating familiar patterns

And then came the convergence—the moment when everything crashed together at once.

The Moment Everything Collided

I was stress-eating pie on the back porch.

My daughter caught me mid-bite, and I felt that wave of shame wash over me. Here I was again—stuck, struggling, eating my feelings, not taking care of myself.

But then she said something that shattered me.

Her face shifted from disappointment to fear. She looked at me and said, "It bothers me when you and Dad don't take care of yourselves. You are all I have."

My heart stopped.

She had just turned 18, and here she was—parenting me. I'd been eating my feelings, telling her I was working on it, telling her I was getting better. I really was making bad decisions less often.

But I wasn't really trying. Not hard enough. Not like my life depended on it.

And the truth is, it does.

Because she needs us. No one understands her challenges and needs like we do. She shouldn't have to worry about losing us because we couldn't take care of ourselves.

Then I opened Facebook.

Ad after ad about balance, mobility, strength. One stuck with me: a guy demonstrating a Turkish get-up. He said if you can't do this move, your life expectancy drops by 25%.

I knew I couldn't do it. I was always losing my balance. And at 41 years old, I wasn't getting any younger.

That's when The Battle reached its climax.

All these moments—the boundaries I couldn't keep, the pie, the ad, the realization that I was running out of time, my daughter's words echoing in my heart—crashed together in one crystal-clear instant.

This was it. The Battle wasn't just about proving I'd grown.

It was about deciding whether I was going to save myself or wait for someone else to do it.

Signs You're in The Battle Stage

You might be in The Battle if:

• Everything feels harder than it should - You thought you'd moved past this, but here you are fighting again

• Multiple challenges are hitting at once - It's not one thing—it's everything

• You're slipping into old patterns - The coping mechanisms you thought you'd left behind are creeping back in

• You feel like you're failing - Despite all the work you've done

• External forces are pushing back hard - People, circumstances, or situations are actively working against your growth

• You're questioning if it's worth it - The temptation to give up is stronger than ever

• You feel exhausted - The fight is taking everything you have

• A moment of reckoning arrives - Something forces you to make a choice: keep fighting or surrender

The Battle is where heroes are forged. But it's also where many quit.

Why The Battle Is So Brutal

The Battle is designed to test whether your transformation is real.

Training builds your strength. But The Battle reveals whether you'll actually use it.

During those months living with my parents, I felt myself losing the ground I'd gained. The old voice—the one that wasn't mine—was getting louder again. The people-pleasing. The silence. The breaking off pieces of myself.

I was in the house where all my old patterns were born, surrounded by the same dynamics that shaped me into someone small and voiceless.

And I had a choice: become that person again, or fight like hell to stay who I'd become.

The Battle strips away everything that isn't real. It exposes your weak spots. It pushes you to your breaking point.

And then it asks: Who are you really?

How to Fight (And Win) The Battle

You don't win The Battle by being perfect. You win by refusing to quit.

Here's how:

1. Use what you learned in Training Every habit you built. Every tool you gathered. Every bit of strength you developed. This is why you trained. Use it.

2. Remember your why For me, it was my daughter's words. "You are all I have." That became my anchor. When I wanted to give up, I remembered why I couldn't.

3. Make the hard choice The Battle always comes down to a choice. Stay stuck or rise. Go back or move forward. Wait to be saved or save yourself.

4. Don't fight alone Lean on your faith. Lean on your community. Lean on the tools in your toolkit. You weren't meant to do this alone.

5. Expect to be tested The Battle isn't proof you failed. It's proof you're onto something worth fighting for.

6. Stand your ground Even when everything and everyone is telling you to give in, shrink down, go back—stand firm in who you're becoming.

The Choice That Changes Everything

In that moment on the porch—with the pie, the ad, my daughter's words fresh in my heart—I made a choice.

I couldn't keep doing this. I couldn't keep half-trying. I couldn't keep waiting for someone to save me.

I had to take my life into my own hands.

Not just eat better or lose weight. Not just get stronger physically. I had to become the hero of my own story. The main character. The one who stops waiting to be saved and starts saving herself.

That choice—that moment of clarity in the middle of The Battle—changed everything.

Journal Entries from This Stage

Want to read more about my experience with The Battle? Check out these journal entries:

• Vol. 1, Issue #006 — "The Back Porch Pie" (The moment responsibility and awareness collide)

Toolkit Resources to Support This Stage

• Strength Toolkit - Building the physical and mental endurance to keep fighting

• Courage Toolkit - Finding the bravery to stand your ground

• Faith Toolkit - Trusting God's plan when the battle feels impossible

• Hope Toolkit - Holding onto purpose when everything feels overwhelming

What Comes Next: Stage 5 - The Death

The Battle forces a reckoning. And in that reckoning, something has to die.

The old version of you—the one who waited to be saved, who stayed silent, who broke off pieces to keep the peace—can't survive the transformation.

To become who you're meant to be, you have to let go of who you were.

Explore Stage 5: The Death →